Is technology hurting our children?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to Samos Padres, [00:00:03] Speaker B: A podcast dedicated to the constant development over parenting and ourselves. [00:00:07] Speaker A: We are your hosts, Paulo and Yesenia. Thanks for joining us as we share our parenting experiences rooted within the context of our own life journey. [00:00:16] Speaker B: In that spirit, we will also be sharing parenting information and the stories of madres and padres out there who have. [00:00:21] Speaker A: Embraced their own personal evolution as the great latest gift of parenthood. [00:00:27] Speaker B: Here we go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back, bienvenidos. [00:00:43] Speaker A: We're back on somos padres. [00:00:45] Speaker B: Yes, here we are again. Well, that's what I always say. [00:00:51] Speaker A: What are we drinking today, Paulo? [00:00:53] Speaker B: So the drink for the day, it is a mimosa. This is made with blood orange, tangerine and a little bit of a hint of guava juice. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Oh, you put guava juice, too? [00:01:09] Speaker B: Yes, I put guava juice, but I freshly squeezed the blood oranges and the tangerine. I use the juicer for that. [00:01:18] Speaker A: It's very subtle. It's not super sweet or anything. [00:01:21] Speaker B: No, it's nice. It was less sweet. And I added the guava juice, the splash of guava juice to make it a little bit sweeter because blood oranges tend not to be that sweet. That's very nice, but the color is interesting. [00:01:38] Speaker A: Okay, well, thank you for a drink. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I really like it. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Do you want to start us off with your high and low? [00:01:44] Speaker B: So we're going to start with. Yeah, I'll start. [00:01:48] Speaker A: Okay, hit it. [00:01:49] Speaker B: Well, my high is that I'm on vacation. Yes, I've been on vacation already for a week. And it feels great. It feels great to have to be away from work, from teaching, to relax away from high schoolers. And along with my high, there's the low as well. I feel that a level of anxiety and I have no idea where it's coming from. Well, I was contemplating where is that anxiety coming from? And I feel like I'm stuck because I have so many things that I want to accomplish, and I have only accomplished only a little bit. I feel stuck. I found myself, I was blaming the weather, right? Because the whole week it has been raining. It's gloomy outside. Yeah, gloomy. Just cold. Not really cold, but it's wet and muddy outside. So that is just like. But at the same time, I really appreciate the weather because. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Cozy. [00:02:54] Speaker B: It's coziness. Yeah. I look through the window or the door and it makes you feel so cozy. You're not drinking in a cup of coffee. [00:03:02] Speaker A: Yeah, totally. I'm with you with the high low. I've also been off this week, and this is my only week actually, that I'm off and I find that I feel like I'm not accomplishing much. There is that crazy anxiety, I think, because it's like we're off, but there's so many things to do because we're running up against the holidays. And so there's all these things that we have to get done in preparation for the holidays. And then we also know that we're going to go and work at your family's business. So that cuts into a few days of the time off. And so it shrinks the time off, at least for me. And then when we don't, quote unquote, do the things we want to do, I don't know. And I think in my mind, I really wanted to spend some time with the kids doing something, like going somewhere and doing something, and it didn't happen because of the weather. Both the things we were thinking about, it's like, oh, we can't really do that because it's gloomy outside. So it's been a little bit disappointing. [00:04:16] Speaker B: No. And I see you. I see you. Facial expression says it all. You wanted to go to LA, but in LA has been raining even more. Like here. [00:04:26] Speaker A: I wanted to go to the mountains, but now it's snowing, so can't really go up there. So. Yeah, it's just been kind of not what I had hoped. But see, that's the thing. When we start to connect and attach to some kind of outcome. [00:04:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:46] Speaker A: Instead of just accepting, enjoying and accepting, like you said, the cozy weather, all the things that comes with just being inside. Yeah. Haven't really followed my own advice on that one. [00:05:03] Speaker B: Yeah. And we didn't even say cheers when we introduced the drink of the day. [00:05:07] Speaker A: Cheers, babe. [00:05:09] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, contemplating the highs and lows. [00:05:13] Speaker A: But having said that, we have hung out with family and friends over the last month and actually that's kind of how this topic came up for us. It's been a topic that's been coming up among the fellow parents that we hang out with, and it's this conversation around technology and how do we limit it? Are we being good parents, bad parents by allowing our kids to have cell phones, to play video games, to, I don't know, just be in this world of technology and. Yeah, what's going to happen? It's this worry of, are we not putting enough boundaries around the technology? And I know you see this also with your teenagers in the high school. [00:06:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Sometimes I just blame technology in so many aspects and sometimes I come to a conclusion. Technology is bad. Yeah. No. Yeah, that's the first. [00:06:22] Speaker A: Well, I heard you sometimes complain about, like, oh, parents just give their kids all this technology. [00:06:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Because. [00:06:31] Speaker A: You see the kids in class that are having a hard time being. [00:06:34] Speaker B: And the thing is, I complain about it because it brings so many issues to educators, especially when they have a cell phone in their pocket. [00:06:40] Speaker A: It's frustrating for you as a kid. [00:06:42] Speaker B: It is frustrating to be able to face another obstacle of attachment. It's another attachment. An attachment I didn't experience when I was in high school because there were none. [00:06:55] Speaker A: Yeah, you didn't have cell phones back then. [00:06:56] Speaker B: There were cell phones, but they were huge. Yeah, but the key is, like, they were not smart cell phones. [00:07:03] Speaker A: Right. [00:07:03] Speaker B: Quote unquote smart. So it creates a whole bunch of issues for education nowadays, and it creates the issues in the sense that, you know, the students want to be attached to the device, and you have to tell them over and over, every day, every day, put it away, put it away. And some of these students refuse. And you see how it becomes a power struggle. Exactly. In the classroom, it becomes a power struggle because at the end of the day, these are teenagers and they're completely addicted to the devices, many of them defined by the use of the devices. And you take it away from them. I see them. They're completely lost. They don't know what to do with themselves. No. Yeah. You see that. The anxiety that comes with it, it's just. Oh, my God. Sometimes it's just like, damn. Once your student is like 17 years old. [00:08:04] Speaker A: 18 years old. Yeah. [00:08:05] Speaker B: It's just like, oh, yeah, what can you do, right? [00:08:10] Speaker A: I mean, I think it's hard once a kid is at that stage. [00:08:13] Speaker B: At that stage, what do you do connected to? Do you make the students suffer or do you see, I wish you the best. I hope that you graduate, and I hope that one day you find your path. The feelings and emotions are really convoluted, but most of the time, I actually blame technology. [00:08:36] Speaker A: Right. You're like, you shouldn't have access. [00:08:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I wish cell phones were banned in high schools. Like, banned, not. But it brings a whole bunch of other issues. [00:08:52] Speaker A: Right. We didn't grow up with that level of technology when we were young, so I think it makes it hard to empathize in a way with kids to understand what it's like for them because they are growing up in a world where it's just normal that in high school everybody has a cell phone. But I always think as well, that trying to help our kids understand how to create boundaries around the cell phone is the part that's important. [00:09:35] Speaker B: No. And every once in a while, I bring the conversation again about how the cell phones were actually built. The smart cell phone, it was built to be addicting, because nowadays you have all these apps, and a lot of these apps are games. And come on. Video games are addicting. I remember myself when I had my Nintendo. I didn't want to stop playing it. Or the Playstation. They're addicting. So you have access to videos, games, board games are digital, instant messaging, social media. [00:10:14] Speaker A: Well, what I notice, even with our kids, is the fact that they're getting all this information super quick. And it's not just the kids. I notice it in the kids, but it's also in us. Right. [00:10:26] Speaker B: Of course. [00:10:26] Speaker A: Is that the attention span seems to just not be there anymore. Right. They want it all really quick. I know sometimes when we're trying to help our kids do their homework, they're going through the information so fast, and I'm like, slow down. I need to read everything. It's almost like, no, they're just kind of scanning things now. They're not really going for full attention on anything. I don't know. They can't really watch a movie or a video clip that's too long. It's got to be short. It's got to grab them. It's got to keep their interest. And so I can only imagine if you're a kid and your brain is now learning that it wants this information in a very high paced way, that when you go to school and your teacher is talking to you in kind of the old way, it's boring. [00:11:27] Speaker B: Is this super boring? [00:11:28] Speaker A: Because that's their favorite word now. [00:11:29] Speaker B: Now the challenge is like, how do you deal with this overstimulation? [00:11:34] Speaker A: Yes. Ultimately, they're so overstimulated. [00:11:37] Speaker B: And this is the thing. It's like, now education is changing in many ways, that we, the teachers, we need to make our lessons entertainment, entertaining. Entertaining. Thank you. And you were like, what the heck? [00:11:53] Speaker A: Like, when you made the game for your students. [00:11:55] Speaker B: Yeah. I was like, oh, my God. Because honestly. Well, like the other. [00:12:00] Speaker A: Adapting. Yeah. [00:12:01] Speaker B: Like, the other day, actually, a few weeks ago, I was like, most of my students, they're not really studying for the test. They're not really studying the flashcards the old school way. They're actually not reviewing, not testing themselves. So how can I make them review in their own style? And I created this game. They could look it or something like that. For me, it was something new, and they loved it. And a lot of them actually, they did learn. But this is the thing. I was just like, I'm continuing to support their overstimulation of their brains. [00:12:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:12:40] Speaker B: Rather to. Let's take a break. Let's take a break and see if we can learn, you know, the old school way. [00:12:49] Speaker A: Right. [00:12:50] Speaker B: But it was a success. Yeah, but it takes a lot of time. [00:12:53] Speaker A: They did learn, though. [00:12:55] Speaker B: They did learn. [00:12:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I think that's the thing is in some way, education has to, I think at least a little bit, it has to adapt to where the kids are now. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, let's just say you become the lessons entertaining. But now once they go to college, you're going to sit in a classroom where the professor is just talking, explaining stuff. The professor is not going to care about making his lesson or his speech entertaining. [00:13:28] Speaker A: Maybe. [00:13:29] Speaker B: Yeah. So even at the end of the day, I have the conversations with the students. [00:13:32] Speaker A: Look, you tell them this is really. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Not how it's going to be. This is not how it's going to be. Yeah. Being really honest. Completely. Really honest. [00:13:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:41] Speaker B: So it's getting really interesting. [00:13:44] Speaker A: Yeah. I think we're at this really inflection point where just things are changing, moving fast in terms of technology and things. But I think I do want to bring it back to just this overall idea of whether, what are healthy limits for kids on technology, and what have we learned with our own two kids at this point in terms of technology and also what we've observed, because we obviously had kids alongside a lot of our family members, friends, we kind of all were experiencing this first wave of kids with access to cell phones and technology. Right. I remember Palito was one, and we have a picture of him playing with the cell phone. He's not even one. He's under one, and he's already learned how to swipe the iPhone. So he really grew up with technology. I mean, he was playing PlayStation at four, at four years old because I. [00:15:01] Speaker B: Wanted someone to play with. [00:15:03] Speaker A: Right. And so he really grew up playing PlayStation his entire life. And I don't know, we didn't really limit his technology very much at all. I would say we focused mostly on how do we connect with our child outside of technology, how do we still have experiences with him? But having said that. [00:15:32] Speaker B: But even then, babe, I was terrified. [00:15:34] Speaker A: Yes, we were terrified the entire time. [00:15:36] Speaker B: Honestly, I never thought that me, like, exposing him to the PlayStation, he was going to be completely getting to it. I had forgotten how addicted I actually was and attached it was to playing video games, even when I was at university. I played video games for hours instead of focusing on my readings and all that stuff. So I got terrified. I was like, oh, heck, no, this is not good. [00:16:05] Speaker A: And it was one of our major disagreements. Yeah. [00:16:08] Speaker B: And I remember, I'm not giving my kid a cell phone until the age of 18. That was not work out. That was my believing perspective, honestly. I was like, hey, no, this is. Yeah, and it didn't happen. But he was close. He just got it, what, like two years ago, age of 13. [00:16:30] Speaker A: Yeah, but I think Vicky would have been younger, though. [00:16:33] Speaker B: No, Vicky got it younger at a younger age. [00:16:36] Speaker A: But I think your point, though, that we were terrified the entire time. [00:16:40] Speaker B: Yeah. And Victoria, she got the cell phone. We actually got it for her. She started using the emergency phone that we have here at the home. [00:16:50] Speaker A: Yeah, we had leftover phones. [00:16:51] Speaker B: Yeah, we have an emergency phone here because we don't have a landline. So we're like, let's have an emergency phone at home, just in case whenever we need to communicate with a babysitter. And that's how Victoria came to have a cell phone. [00:17:11] Speaker A: Yeah. But I think the point being, though, is that we were kind of that first generation of parents that had to figure out this way of balancing how much technology or not. And like I said, we were terrified the entire time. But we did give our son at least he had access to video games. Pretty young. [00:17:38] Speaker B: Really young. Four years. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Yeah, since he was four years old. And now he continues to play video games a whole lot. Although I will say that these last couple of years, I feel like he's played less, he's playing less, he's playing less. But we always did have boundaries. Right? Like around during the week, during school time, you're not playing games during the week. When he was smaller, it would be only on the weekends. [00:18:10] Speaker B: It will be only on the weekends. It was like Monday through Thursday. [00:18:13] Speaker A: Yeah. And then as he got older. So now he does play a little bit in the evenings. [00:18:20] Speaker B: No, but he was playing a lot. [00:18:22] Speaker A: A lot of games. Yeah. We had these different boundaries at different ages, but, yeah, we were pretty scared the whole time. I think that was one of our biggest disagreements that you and I would argue about. [00:18:37] Speaker B: No kidding. I wanted to burn the PlayStation. [00:18:41] Speaker A: And especially anytime he was struggling with maybe his grades or leaving another activity, because he bounced a lot from one. [00:18:53] Speaker B: Activity to the other, never committed to anything. [00:18:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's like, oh, my God, it's because of those video games. But I'll have to say I just trusted that the connection that we had with our child was ultimately going to balance out his use of technology and being on. Because I think that this is, like, the major point that I want to make is that we've watched our family, friends, we all have dealt with this issue differently. We've had people that we know that were zero technology until a certain age, and then they allowed the technology. [00:19:46] Speaker B: To. [00:19:46] Speaker A: Be part of their child's lives. We've had people who are access, like, the whole gamut. But what I have to say is that all of the kids are all right. Like, whichever way the parents went with it, at the end of the day, the kids are pretty healthy. Kids are doing pretty well in school. [00:20:10] Speaker B: No, the ones that we know they're doing all right. [00:20:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:13] Speaker B: But I honestly believe. Let's make the connection right now because of what you said. I honestly believe there was some sort of personal connection with their child maintaining. [00:20:22] Speaker A: Yes. And that's the thing. At the end of the day, what everyone had in common is that everyone has a fantastic relationship with their kids, where they spend a lot of quality time with them, where they're really connecting with their child, doing things, doing activities with them. [00:20:39] Speaker B: Because I remember that even though we were terrified of the technology, I remember that we have, like, once or twice a week of family time. [00:20:47] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, family time. [00:20:50] Speaker B: With all the time. [00:20:51] Speaker A: Yeah. When we were smaller, we would have. [00:20:53] Speaker B: Family time after dinner. [00:20:54] Speaker A: Every day. [00:20:54] Speaker B: Yeah, every day after dinner. It was family time. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Family time. [00:20:58] Speaker B: And what was the family time? [00:20:59] Speaker A: Whatever the kids wanted to do. [00:21:00] Speaker B: Whatever the kids wanted to do. Sometimes it's board games. Sometimes it's little Taria. Sometimes watch a movie. [00:21:05] Speaker A: Watching a movie. [00:21:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Sometimes it's just coloring or playing. [00:21:10] Speaker A: Cooking. [00:21:10] Speaker B: Lucita. Yeah. Honestly. But I was still terrified. [00:21:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you don't know. Because I think you don't know. We were that first generation generation of having to deal with this. [00:21:22] Speaker B: Well, it was the first generation because the iPhone was like. It came out in 2007. [00:21:27] Speaker A: Yeah. And, I mean, Polito was born 2008. I think the good news for parents out there today is that as far as I can tell, the good news is as long as you're building this foundation of love and connection with your child, where they are learning to connect with you, they are being exposed to activities and other things. I think they're going to be okay. [00:21:57] Speaker B: Yeah. As long as there's a personal, obviously, as you say, connection. But it has to be authentic. [00:22:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:22:03] Speaker B: Because for us, there was a lot of trials about things when you worry too much. Because I remember the things that I did, I remember for many years I had that router set up to completely disconnect at a certain time at night. Completely. Nobody had access to Wifi. It was just like dead. Why? Because of being afraid of what's going to happen. But as you're saying, as long as there is an authentic connection. Because now we can actually go back in retrospect and see it. Yeah, because it has to be authentic. And how does that look? It has to be a social life quality time because now, as an educator of high school students, the ones that are not doing great, I'm sorry, they don't have a connection to a relative or to their parents. [00:23:06] Speaker A: And I think that is a struggle with any dynamic. In this case, we're talking about technology, but it can be anything. [00:23:21] Speaker B: In reality, it can be anything. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think ultimately the most important thing is that connection. And sometimes you don't have that connection, especially like here where we live now, there are so many parents that are farm workers. Right. Immigrants. They work long hours. It's a struggle for them. [00:23:43] Speaker B: Of course. [00:23:44] Speaker A: Imagine have that time. [00:23:45] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:45] Speaker A: Because imagine to spend with their kids. [00:23:47] Speaker B: If you're working 10 hours a day on the fields, you get home, the last thing you want to do is to deal with. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, that's kind of our family, right. The way that we grew up, our parents weren't around. They were working hard. And so then that's when you connect with other things. You connect with your tv. Back then, for us, tv and Nintendo and things were barely coming, remember? I know. I think we had a similar experience where I had the Nintendo and my dad was like, oh, no, you guys are playing too much. And they took it away. I think you had a similar experience with a PlayStation, with the PlayStation with your parents. And so I think there was always like, oh, the technology is going to. The games are going to rot your brain or whatever. [00:24:38] Speaker B: No, because even there's always been this kind of, let's go even further as growing up. But remember, don't watch that much tv because you're going to go blind. The uv rays are going to make you blind. [00:24:51] Speaker A: Worries about what technology will do to us. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And now growing up, obviously, was now the games and on the same thing, on the same fear. But in retrospect, yeah. For us, there was always connection after dinner, honestly. [00:25:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:10] Speaker B: Because we were always eat together, even when our parents actually work on the fields. [00:25:15] Speaker A: Oh, that's nice. [00:25:16] Speaker B: Yeah. Even when they did, it was like, nobody is by themselves. We actually had dinner together all the time. [00:25:25] Speaker A: Now my dad was home way too late. And my mom, they were home way. [00:25:29] Speaker B: Too late for us. [00:25:31] Speaker A: It could be eight or 09:00 p.m.. Yeah. [00:25:34] Speaker B: And even if when we're working on the fields, even during lunch, eating together. [00:25:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:40] Speaker B: And talking during this time of the year, like during the olive season, just like, let's do the taquitos on the wood. On the olive wood, which tastes so good. [00:25:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, I mean, my point, I guess, is I wish that there was less maybe bashing of technology. Right. In schools and in kind of the messaging that we give to parents around technology. I think a lot of them are like, how do I create boundaries around technology? How do I all these different things? And I feel like that points at technology as if technology is the problem. [00:26:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:21] Speaker A: Technology is not the problem. [00:26:22] Speaker B: Not the problem. [00:26:23] Speaker A: The problem or the issue at hand is really how strong is that connection with your child and how is that going? [00:26:30] Speaker B: Because honestly, if you have that strong connection with your child, you shouldn't worry. [00:26:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:36] Speaker B: Worry. If you're allowing your child to go to sleep at three in the morning. Now there's something to worry about because obviously they're not getting enough sleep. [00:26:44] Speaker A: Right. That's affecting them. [00:26:45] Speaker B: That's affecting them to be themselves. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:48] Speaker B: The next day, honestly, your child is not going to be herself or himself. So obviously we have to. At the end of the day, we're parents. We have to. [00:26:59] Speaker A: There are some boundaries. Boundaries. [00:27:01] Speaker B: But be open with those boundaries because I remember when I had the wifi, it's like I'm doing this because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't want you to get addicted to that thing. I always had the communication with the children. Even now that they have their cell phones, many times I'll actually turn off the data. But I tell them beforehand, you guys are not meeting responsibilities, you know, the chores, the minimum chores that they have at home that you guys are not meeting. I think you're not being responsible enough. So I think turning off the data, it should be fine. [00:27:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I would recommend that people do that, but only after having a conversation around. If you don't do this, then this is going to be consequence. [00:27:43] Speaker B: This is the thing that can happen. Resentment. [00:27:45] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:46] Speaker B: You don't want to build that animosity, that resentment with your kids because now it's going to impact what we're saying. Authentic connections. [00:27:53] Speaker A: The authentic connection. And also just this. I just feel like whenever there's going to be some kind of a consequence, we've agreed we're going to have a conversation hey, you're not doing your chores. What's the consequence here? Because it's affecting the family. [00:28:10] Speaker B: The most natural consequence. It doesn't have to be turning off the data like I did. [00:28:14] Speaker A: It doesn't. But sometimes with the kids, I've noticed now it is a motivator. And if they can't come up with a consequence that feels meaningful, then I do feel like, okay, well, then maybe that's it. So we do have those conversations with the kids about, well, what are the things that we're going to agree on? We do have these conversations. What else? I mean, when they were younger, you would turn off the data. I'm sorry, not the data. You would turn off the router for. [00:28:51] Speaker B: The Internet, the Wifi, because it was programmed by itself. [00:28:53] Speaker A: Right. That would affect more. So the PlayStation, the ability for it to work. And when the kids were using the phone. Without data. [00:29:09] Speaker B: Without data, right. [00:29:10] Speaker A: So that was when it would affect them. So that's like an option out there to set boundaries with the kids. What else did we do? I'm trying to remember. We also had the boundaries around days. [00:29:22] Speaker B: Days we tried it for a little bit of like, I want to see the cell phone on the table at a certain time. It did work for a little bit. [00:29:30] Speaker A: Yeah. I feel like for us at least, it's hard to have comotijira. It's like you have to be willing to also punish yourself in a way. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Oh, yes, great point. Because I remember when I set up the rider to turn out a certain time, we were impacted as well. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:29:52] Speaker B: So if you're going to do that, just remember you're ready to experience what the children are experienced. Be ready to experience that as well. To see how it feels. [00:30:01] Speaker A: Exactly. And I did that to you on purpose because I was like, if you're going to turn off the things for the kids, you have to turn it off for everyone. [00:30:07] Speaker B: Yeah. So that we understand. But a lot of the thinking is going to go, but I'm the parent, I pay the bills. But at the end of the day, it's not about that. It's about feelings and emotions and it's. [00:30:20] Speaker A: About treating the kids the way you treat yourself. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:30:25] Speaker A: With the same level. Like if they need sleep, so do you. [00:30:28] Speaker B: Because if not now, it's a power dynamic, empowered dynamics do not build authentic connections. [00:30:36] Speaker A: And the kids call us out. I mean, they're smart enough to call us. Why are you turning mine off? Why do I do go to sleep at this hour? [00:30:43] Speaker B: You're going to set up consequences. But then you are using your cell phone. And the panic, you kind of put it in their faces. Come on, that's going to destroy. That's not building authentic connections. [00:30:54] Speaker A: No. And I feel like it would make them feel disrespected, like you don't respect them as people. [00:31:02] Speaker B: But this is the thing, as a parent, I need to be respected. I'm the parent. I peel the bills. Respect me. But you're not showing respect. [00:31:10] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:31:11] Speaker B: So how do you speculate the children when you grow up to show respect and you're not showing. [00:31:17] Speaker A: You got to show them that you respect their experience. [00:31:21] Speaker B: We have to be the wrong models. [00:31:23] Speaker A: And I have to say that not too long ago, it turns out you had turned off my wifi at a certain hour and I was draining my own. [00:31:32] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that was by mistake. No, sure. [00:31:37] Speaker A: But see, this is what happens when people go into the Wi Fi to mess with it. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Be careful, because, yeah, for me, I thought it was like Vicky's cell phone and it was your cell phone and. [00:31:46] Speaker A: He was turning my cell phone data off. [00:31:49] Speaker B: No, the Wi Fi connection. [00:31:54] Speaker A: What else are there other things we've done to help with boundaries. Like, boundaries are important. And also, like we said, being able to hold them. And I feel like even in the holding of the boundaries, you have to be willing to hold the boundary. Like, for example, when Paolo came up with, oh, everybody has to leave their cell phone on the table. [00:32:15] Speaker B: It only woke a little bit because then I wasn't actually enforcing it. [00:32:21] Speaker A: Yeah. And I was like, hey, you're going to set that boundary. You're the one who's going to enforce it. I don't feel like enforcing that because I'm already asleep by then. [00:32:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:30] Speaker A: I was like, I'm going to go to bed. You're going to have to enforce it. So are you willing? [00:32:34] Speaker B: Because I needed the cell phones by nine, by Jenna goes to sleep at. [00:32:37] Speaker A: Eight, I get in bed at eight. [00:32:39] Speaker B: Yeah. So for me, I was like, yes, I did it for a little bit, but he did. [00:32:43] Speaker A: And then after that, he's like, no, exactly. [00:32:48] Speaker B: Don't do something that you know that is not going to be long term. [00:32:51] Speaker A: Yes, we're telling you, trial and error. It's one of those where you got to come up with the kids on what are the agreements that we can adhere, agree on and what's going to happen if they're not, and making them part of the process. [00:33:07] Speaker B: And also, I don't know if I said it already, but also, please just share your fears about this. Share that child, son, daughter. This is what I'm feeling. This is why I feel I need to do this, because I'm feeling this at the same time that you do that you're not being weak. Yeah. Now you're teaching your kid actually to actually share his feelings or her feelings when things become scary, the unknowns. Being a fear of the unknowns is part of being human. And if you do that, I honestly believe that those relationships with your children aren't even going to move to the next level. [00:33:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Do we do anything else? I feel like. Did you ever monitor what they're visiting and stuff like that? I think that at some point, you. [00:34:02] Speaker B: Know, because I have it through the Wi Fi that not to be able to visit any type of social media. I have, like, the only thing that I have open, even though it's open to a whole bunch of know. But I feel that we already have the conversation with children. Google on YouTube. YouTube is open. Yeah, but I have it restricted to certain. Not, I believe in their cell phones, not in ours. In their cell phones, through the Wi Fi, they cannot access Instagram or Facebook or Snapchat, any of. Yeah, only if they use the data. [00:34:39] Speaker A: Yeah, they have to use their own data. Yeah, because I was going to say, I'm pretty sure they look at TikToks because they're always. [00:34:44] Speaker B: No TikToks in YouTube. Yeah, it's fine. [00:34:47] Speaker A: It's open TikToks. Yeah. I'm like, they're always finding videos, like cooking videos. [00:34:53] Speaker B: But at the end of the day, you have to also have those talks about being responsible with technology, and then they're going to have access to a whole bunch of things that is not good for their emotional health. Being completely honest. Yeah. Just like, please try to. Don't look at those things. Especially, you know, violence. Yeah, because I say it because I've seen it through my students. [00:35:23] Speaker A: Right. Well, even the video games were pretty violent. [00:35:26] Speaker B: Yeah, but video games is different as seeing real. [00:35:29] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. [00:35:30] Speaker B: Yeah. No real violence. I remember, like, years ago, one of my students showed me a clip. Mr. McGah, can I show you something? I'm like, fine. It's about some video. And it was horrible. It was an actual true violence, like, cartel kind of stuff. I still remember. And she's like, oh, no, please don't watch that. It's not good for you. [00:35:53] Speaker A: And they were like, I'm desensitized. [00:35:55] Speaker B: No, they sensitized to violence. Yeah, they desensitized that. We are humans. We feel pain. We need to be able to show empathy. Yeah. And when you take it just violence for granted, it's just. No. Then you start building those blocks to prevent you to actually feel things for other people. [00:36:20] Speaker A: And that brings me to some of the things that I think are really good about technology in a way, because it opens the door for a lot of really great conversations. Right. I mean, when we were in Vancouver, I remember we had so many great conversations with the kids, and a lot of them had to do around topics that we were seeing on our cell phones and the technology and the research and the news. [00:36:44] Speaker B: Because, remember at the end, because technology is not bad if there's a conversation around. [00:36:53] Speaker A: Yeah. It's a conversation starter a lot of times. Yeah. [00:36:55] Speaker B: Like our podcast, people are listening thanks to technology. [00:36:59] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think those are the things that nothing is all good or all bad. No, it's really in how we use it and how we teach the kids to use it at this point. Right. [00:37:13] Speaker B: Because as you were saying. I'm sorry that I cut you off. [00:37:15] Speaker A: No, you didn't. [00:37:16] Speaker B: Yeah, because as you were saying, we were up in the mountains and we were having conversations about all these topics that we were actually being exposed through the cell phone, and it was great up in the mountains and all of a sudden nobody has a cell phone in talking about it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Some of the things is actually saying, no, no one is allowed to use a cell phone during dinner. That's it. [00:37:40] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I think that's the thing, is use the technology. [00:37:44] Speaker B: Use it wisely. [00:37:45] Speaker A: Use it wisely. Have a lot of conversations about it. Create boundaries that work for your family. [00:37:52] Speaker B: Exactly. Remember, every child is different. [00:37:54] Speaker A: And remember that at the end of the day, at the root of it all, it's the relationship that you have with your kids that is way more important and will impact their well being and their overall well being for their entire life to come. So kids are going to be okay if you prioritize that. [00:38:18] Speaker B: Just prioritize that connection with their kids. [00:38:21] Speaker A: All right, everybody, I think that this is it. That was it. That's what we wanted to share. I hope that's helpful. [00:38:28] Speaker B: Yes. But if you have any other insights about the topics, just let us know. [00:38:33] Speaker A: Let us know. We're going to do one more episode and then we'll be closing down shop. It'll be our season closer next week, and then we'll be back for season three. [00:38:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:47] Speaker A: All right, everybody, one more to go this season. [00:38:50] Speaker B: But happy holidays, everyone. [00:38:52] Speaker A: Happy holidays. [00:38:53] Speaker B: Yeah. Enjoy the time. [00:38:55] Speaker A: Ikea. Viva. Live. Olucion yes. Thank you for saying hi. [00:39:02] Speaker B: If you like this podcast, please share it with your friends and family. [00:39:06] Speaker A: You can subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. It's super important to help spread the message. [00:39:12] Speaker B: You can also follow our parents on Instagram at Imdasania, at Paolo Manchaka, and at Somos Padres. Gracias.